


If Dr. Seuss Wrote Trek Fanfic

by ShayneyL



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Humor, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 11:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12298785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShayneyL/pseuds/ShayneyL
Summary: For the challenge Lori issued on ASC (Usenet): "If _____ wrote Trek fanfic."Originally posted 19 January 2001.





	If Dr. Seuss Wrote Trek Fanfic

**Author's Note:**

> Winner of two 2001 ASCEM awards: 1st Place Voyager Poem/Filk, and 1st Place Overall Poem/Filk.
> 
> Characters and situations owned by Paramount/Viacom. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended.

  
_Harry, tell me, are you gay?_

I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Would you do me here or there?_

I would not do you here or there.  
I would not do you anywhere.  
I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Would you do me in a chute?  
Did you like me as a newt?_

I would not do you in a chute.  
I would not do it with a newt.  
I would not do you here or there.  
I would not do you anywhere.  
I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_How about in a Borg cube?  
Or inside a Jeffries tube?_

Not in a cube.  
Not in a tube.  
Not in a chute.  
Not with a newt.  
I would not do you here or there.  
I would not do you anywhere.  
I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Would you? Could you?_  
_In the_ Flyer?   
_Do me! Do me!_  
_Take me higher._

I would not, could not, in the _Flyer_. 

_You may like it._  
_You will see._  
_You may like it in a tree!_

I would not, could not in a tree.  
Not in the _Flyer_! You let me be.  
I will not do you in a cube.  
I will not do you in a tube.  
I will not do you in a chute.  
I will not do it with a newt.  
I will not do you here or there.  
I will not do you anywhere.  
I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_A car! A car!_  
_A car! A car!_  
_Could you, would you, in my car?_

Not in your car! Not in a tree!  
Not in the _Flyer_! Tom! Let me be!  
I would not, could not, in a cube.  
I could not, would not, in a tube.  
I will not do it with a newt.  
I will not do you in a chute.  
I will not do you here or there.  
I will not do you anywhere.  
I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_Say!_  
_In the dark? Here in the dark!_  
_Would you, could you, in the dark?_

I would not, could not, in the dark. 

_How about in Sandrine's bar?_

I would not, could not, in a bar.  
Not in the dark. Not in your car.  
Not on the _Flyer_. Not in a tree.  
I do not want you, Tom, you see.  
Not in a cube. Not in a chute.  
Not in a tube. Not with a newt.  
I will not do you here or there.  
I will not do you anywhere! 

_You're sure you don't like me that way?_

Sorry, Tom. I am not gay. 

_Could you, would you, in your sleep?_

I would not, could not, in my sleep. 

_Would you, could you, with a sheep?_

I could not, would not, with a sheep!!!  
I will not, will not, in my sleep.  
I will not do you in a bar.  
I will not do you in your car.  
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!  
Not on the _Flyer_! You let me be!  
I will not do you in a cube.  
Nor inside a Jeffries tube.  
I will not do you in a chute.  
I will not do it with a newt.  
I will not do you here or there.  
I will not do you ANYWHERE!  
I like you, Tom, but not that way.  
Sorry, but I am not gay. 

_You do not like it._  
_So you say._  
_Try it! Try it!_  
_And you may._  
_Try it and you may, I say._

Tom!  
If you will let me be, I will try it.  
You will see. 

........... 

Hey!  
Tom, I _do_ like you this way!  
I do! I like it! I _am_ gay!  
And I would do you in my sleep.  
(You can forget about the sheep.)  
And I would do you in your car.  
And in the dark. And in a bar.  
And on the _Flyer_. And in a tree.  
You are so good, so good, you see!  
So I would do you in a cube.  
And inside a Jeffries tube.  
And I would do you in a chute.  
And even if you were a newt.  
And I will do you here and there.  
Hey! I will do you ANYWHERE!  
I do so like doing you this way!  
Thank you! Thank you, Tom, I say.


End file.
